I've really got to stop eating stir fry. It gives the impression of being so beneficial as it is essentially just many veg chopped up small, a bit of soy sauce and some noodles, however it is irreparably unsatisfying. I say irreparably, but it is actually quite easy to repair through the consumption of many other foodstuffs, and this is the very reason why it is a rubbish meal. BUT THAT IS ENOUGH HATE, let us instead focus on the one truly beautiful thing in this world; chutney. Like I said the other day, chutters is underestimated in the picnic environment - it completes the bread and cheese triangle and is just so goddamn TANGY...maybe I care a bit too much about it, but it can only be a healthy obsession, surely? My fave student budget style chut is Tesco's own brand tomato creation for 89p http://www.tesco.com/groceries/Product/Details/?id=258763488 , it is more of a starter chutney to get you hooked before progressing onto more advanced and customised condiment, but nevertheless FAB. If you are ready for an upgrade, then Nigella Lawson does a nifty spicy apple thing:

(this quantity makes about a litre)
500g apples
1 medium onion
2 bird's-eye chillies
250g brown sugar
1 teaspoon ground allspice (or a mixture of nutmeg and cinnamon)
1 teaspoon ground cloves
half a teaspoon sea salt
freshly ground black pepper
1 heaped tablespoon chopped or grated fresh ginger
1 teaspoon turmeric
350ml cider vinegar


And then just boil it all up for 40 mins or so before popping it into jars to delight in later.

On the topic of the best things ever, I'm going to bore you all with a bit of chat about (now I am going to be careful here, as I don't want to have a favourite book, but this one does come really close, and I feel slightly better about it as it's not just one story, so I've sort of saved myself there) a 'strong candidate in my shortlist of brilliant books', Freedom by various writers. It's a collection of short stories compiled by Amnesty International to celebrate the Universal Declaration of Human Rights - each story is based upon one of the 30 clauses and some of them are really brilliant (the stories, not the clauses, all the clauses are brilliant, of course). Some of them are also not so hot, obvs, but you can glaze over them when you have 30 to choose from. Start at the beginning and work your way through, it goes well as a sequence and it's helpful to learn a bit more about the human race, which is after all what most reading is about anyway. That was quite serious, so listen to Watermelon Man by Herbie Hancock to get over it.